American Dad: Ep 1 Sugar Rush
by Nonpoint Racer
Summary: Stan, out of boredom, develops a new obsession. Enjoy the Roger quotes!


"Good morning USA! I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful

day! The sun in the sky has a smile on his face, and it's singing a

salute to the American way! Oh boy it's swell to say good morning USA!"

Francine sat up in bet and rubbed her tired eyes. "Stan could you sing

a little bit quitter tomorrow morning?" Stan frowns. _Caught red _

_handed _"sorry Hun, gotta let America know it's still amazing!

Afterall, song is what separates us from the terrorists!"

"Stan is currently perched at the water fountain. Viewers, notice the

'Love Lady Liberty' mug he is holding. The commonplace coffee mug was

actually invented in 1964 after -" "Damn it Klaus, I told you to stop

narrating my life!" "I'm just so lonely!" Stan turns his attention to

a couple of workers talking. _What are their names again? Roger? No _

_no, not roger_ "Hey hey Stan didn't see you there! As you know I am

Todd, as it tells me on my name tag. I was just telling Jerry here

about my son and this new movie he loves Wreck-It Ralph. Little guy

watched it so much I actually had to buy a new one.. Which I have here!

Care to take a look?" Stan squints at the box and flips it. _Hmm _

_let's see here. videogames... redemption... hey Sarah Silverman's _

_pretty funny_ "Smith, front and center!" Bullock beckons. "Yes sir?"

Stan responds. "Because of your incompetence you are getting sent to

the field!" Stan giggles and squeals slightly. "Really sir? It would

be an honor!" Bullock frowns. "Actually Smith, after we bagged old O

Sama, things have been pretty slow. We've had to outsource workers

just to stay afloat!"

-Cut scene- Two CIA workers are positioned outside Michael Jackson's

"Never Land". They are in a van that is packed wall to wall with

hi-tech gadgets, one of the men is wearing headphones. "C'mon Michael,

we know you're in there." He murmurs as he twists a nob. "We got

Elvis, we'll get you too!" -end scene-

"Smith, take the rest of the day off. Else I'll have to fire you!"

Stan frowns slightly and looks at the movie's case. -May as well-

Stan is now at home, having been there for a couple hours. Him and

Francine are curled up on the couch. The movie is playing, a man is

being lifted upon many peoples' shoulders and a voice is heard. "If

that little kid believes in me, how bad can I be?" The credits start

rolling and Francine stands up. "Well that was a cute movie Hun. I'm

gonna go start dinner." Stan doesn't move and merely responds. "Yeah

yeah I heard you Francine." _God how dare that women nag me. After _

_all I do, getting a day off. I work hard damn it! _He glances at the

credits and grins _may as well. _

Francine is in the kitchen rummaging through the refrigerator as Roger

walks in. He begins looking through cabinets, slamming them

one-by-one. "Alright Francine, who ate all the Pecan-Sandies?"

Francine pulls her head from the fridge. "I told you Roger we don't

buy those anymore. What are we? Fancy people who eat fancy things?"

The two are silent for a moment. A red case falls out of a cabinet

that Roger, lazily, did not close. He picks it up and reads aloud.

"Nutter Butters! Hopefully these are better than that last comeback of

yours, SNAP!" Roger bites into a cookie. He chews rather slowly,

unamused at first, then speeds up as his eyes grow wide. "My God!

These are amazing. It's like Chocodiles did it with the planters nuts

guy!"

"Truth is..." The TV spoke "I don't wanna be a bad guy anymore!" "HA"

Stan laughed. "I didn't see it coming the first time either!" The

doorbell rings and Stan looks at the door. "Francine some ones at the

door!" ... No response. Stan rolls his eyes "Come in!" Jeff walks in the front

door. "Oh hey Mr. S." Haley walks down the stairs.

"I'll be ready in a minute Jeff. Why not just hang out

with my dad?" Jeff looks at the TV and his eyes get big "Whoa what is

this?" Stan chucks the case at Jeff's head. It hits him in the head

and falls into the boy's lap, unaffected by the hit. "Looks pretty

awesome to me!"

Steve is sitting at the desk in his room. The lights are turned off

with the exception of a small lamp on his desk; he is meticulously

building what appears to be a model plane. He squints and slowly

places a piece of the landing gear held in a pair of tweezers...

"STEVE!" Roger burst in, slamming the door against the wall and causing

Steve to fling the model out the open window. He watches sadly as it

glides off into the summer sky, flute music playing in the back ground.

"What is it Roger?" Roger waddled towards Steve in his normal,

unusual, fashion with is hands in the air. "STEVE! I just found the

most amazing thing." "Well what is it?" The boy asked. Roger spat

"They're called Nutter Butters!" Steve shrugged his shoulders. "I've

had them, they're ok. What's the big deal?" Roger put his hands on

his hips and donned a pouting look. "Steve I have 4 stomachs and no

social life, this is all I have! Anyway could you take me to the store

to get more?" Steve walked towards the window and peered out, seeing

his bicycle that had a mangled front wheel. "Nah, still haven't gotten

it fixed since we knocked out the town's power. Or was it the cable

TV?" Roger leapt onto the bed headfirst and began bawling. After a

moment he pulled up and spoke. "Wait! I have an idea. We should

make our own Nutter Butters! Except they'll be like a hundred times

better! We'll call them... Nutter Betters! Huh? Huh?" Steve sighed

"You know we could just ask mom to-" "Don't crush my creative spirit!"

Stan and Jeff are comfortably seated in the living room, watching the

movie as it finishes up. "Wow Mr. Smith -" Jeff is cut off as Stan

raises a hand in a 'stop' motion. The TV beckons "And if that little

kid likes me, then how bad can I be?" Stan smiles, stands and begins

applauding. "Wow it is just as good the second time!" Jeff nods in

agreement, although he had never actually seen it before. The two hold

their places in silence for a moment until Stan offers. "You know

Haley sure is taking a while to get ready. I've got some cake in the

fridge, what do you say, son?" Jeff smiles at being considered Stan's

'son' and pulls a bong out of his pocket "I've got something waay

better!"

Roger and Steve are now in the kitchen. There is a huge mess of flour

and bowls on the kitchen table and the two are standing by the oven.

Klaus scoots towards them in his bowl, on the counter top of course, and is

wearing a chef's hat. "You know I used to be a great chef in my home

country. The key is knowing the exact time to cook the entree to!" The

three stand in silence, Klaus nodding slightly as if to say 'well

done.' "Think it's done yet?" Roger asks. Steve responds "I dunno,

it's been 20 minutes. And we threw the eggs in whole, so that should cut down on

the baking time!" Klaus slaps himself in the forehead as

Steve pulls the tray from the oven. Roger hops and squeams like a

school girl.

"Behind you." An adorable girl speaks while driving in the movie. "In

front of you!" She quips while passing a competitor. Stan is upright

on the couch, huddled and curled around a pillow now with his shirt

off. Jeff is horribly slouched upon the recliner, a spaced out look

upon his face. "I feel like I'm right there. I can feel the wind in

my hair!" Stan fans himself with his hands, his hair flexing in the

slight breeze. "Ha ha yeah you are, but watch out for the cherry

bomb!" The two look at the TV screen, a cherry like object explodes in

slow motion! Stan yelps and falls from the couch in a full-fetal

position and Jeff tips the chair, positioning it as if in a standoff as

he leaps behind it.

Steve, Roger and Klaus are in the kitchen huddled around the kitchen

table. The cookies they made are now on trays, cooling on the table.

Roger asks "I think we've waited long enough gentlemen. I say we try

one." Stan grabs his arm. "Wait! Let's try them, together!" The two

grab a cookie and take a bite then chew for a moment. Klaus yells "I'm

still here!" Haley walks into the kitchen in her usual attire and

notices the tray. She takes a cookie without asking. She tries it and

her eyes grow wide. "Wow guys these are really good. You should

totally sell these!" Roger and Steve squeal and run from the room.

"C'mon we have plans to make!" Steve yells as they rush past Haley.

Klaus grins. "You know they're going to take this way too far and then

fail. Right?" Haley grins. "Oh I know. It's just hilarious to

watch!"

You are currently facing the Smith's residence. It is now night time.

Stan has forgotten his flag still on the pole. The model plane from

earlier flies through the area in the distance. Inside, Stan is now

passed out on the couch. Haley and Jeff had left several minutes

earlier. The living room is a wreck, furniture is over turned

everywhere in sight. Francine walks from dinner in the kitchen (alone

with Klaus) and notices Stan on the couch. His leg twitches slightly and he begins murmuring.

Francine smiles. "Aw he's having a little dream how cute." She covers

him with a blanket and walks up the stairs to her room for bed. Inside

Stan's mind he is in fact dreaming... Stan is dressed in a tunic with

olive leaves between his ears for no apparent reason. He is prancing

around in a candy-land-Esq scenery with pink grounds, green skies and

candy canes as trees in the background. He stops dancing and places

his hands upon his face, raising an ankle behind him in the process.

"Oh no" he speaks while peering at the ground. "An egg, I hope it's

not a Cybug!" The dark colored egg shakes and rolls violently, then

explodes! A huge Cybug screeches at Stan. He reaches inside his

tunic.. "Oh yeah, don't have my gun. Left it in my other tunic." The

Cybug closes the distance between itself and his prey. Stan closes his

eyes fearing the worst, then the bug explodes turning into a fine dust.

Stan opens his eyes. In his view a large man and a tiny girl are

standing, both of the characters grinning. Stan gasps. "Wreck-It Ralph and

Vanellope Von Schweetz!" He jumps forward, landing on his big toe and

spins. Ralph grabs Stan's hand and balances him and the two 'Tango'.

Vanellope jumps into the sky and begins playing an upbeat song on a

piano that randomly appeared. Ralph and Stan continue to dance and

twist as Vanellope plays faster and faster on the piano. Zoom out to a

view of Stan sleeping. He mumbles "Gumdrop, gumdrop... Sweet as

sugar..."

Roger and Steve have a table setup outside of Jeff's dark red van.

There are several people lined up. "These are amazing. These cookies

are great" People in the crowd shout. A man in a trench coat with

slicked back black hair and an eye patch walks up to the table and

places a plain envelope on the table. He speaks in a raspy voice. "If

you two are ready to get into the big leagues, we're the people to get

you there." They are silent for a moment. Roger quips "So do you mean

like the Royal we?" Steve breaks in. "What he means to say is we need some

time to think it over." The man in the coat turns to walk away. "Very

well" he says before leaving. Steve opens the envelope and looks

in with Roger peeking over his shoulder. The two grin and lock eyes,

the envelope is stuffed with 100 dollar bills!

Stan pulls his vehicle in the drive way but it is different. Instead

of being his usual black SUV, his car is instead a go kart colored in

sparkling brown and pink icing, complete with wheels that resemble

cookies. Francine walks out to greet him. "Hi honey how was your WHAT

HAPPENED TO YOUR CAR?" Stan leaps from the kart joyfully. "I TRADED

IT!" He shouts in excitement. Francine frowns, her arms crossed over

her breast. She squints. "Stan" she questions "What did you do to

your hair?" Zooming into Stan's hair, it is pulled back in a pony tail

with pieces of candy through it. "I traded it." Stan responds. "I

sold my hair for this wig. And I only had to pay 500 dollars for it."

Francine continues. "I want you to trade all theses things back!" She

yells while pointing at the kart then him. "That movies going to your

head!" Stan frowns and looks at the ground.

The scene now is the inside of a warehouse. Wooden crates are stacked

to the ceiling, windows high up let in just a little sunlight. Roger

and Steve are dressed in matching white trench coats, bowler hats and

black sun glasses. Two large men drag a small man by his arms up to

the duo. The man looks up, his face is bruised and one of his eyes is

swollen. "What do we have here?" Steve asks. One of the large men

speaks "He was caught poking around in the flour room of the bakery."

Steve speaks again "It's a good thing our bakery is actually concealed

cleverly in this old warehouse. Otherwise we may have a problem.

Roger what do you have to say?" Roger speaks. "I say..." The

prisoner gasps slightly.. "WE THROW HIM OVERBOARD!" The second large

man pulls a machete from around his back and puts it to the mans

throat. The prisoner closes his eyes.. But just then, the doors burst

open! Several 'SWAT' team soldiers run in brandishing machine guns.

They are all yelling various things. Stan, Steve and the other men get

to their knees and place their hands behind their heads. A man in

brown colored clothing walks in calmly. He is wearing sun glasses and

has a scar down one side of his face. Steve asks hesitantly "Who are

you?" The man removes his sun glasses. "Special Agent Berlin. Snyder

Berlin. We're here to stop you." Roger's eyes narrow, his sun

glasses now fallen upon the

floor, and asks "But if you're a special agent you work for the

government!" Berlin backhands Roger in the

face. "Don't you understand?! Cookies control the world! Their

companies have invaded the highest ranks of our governments! If you

start your own company selling cookies..." Berlin drifts off as he

lights a cigarette. "It would destroy the balance of the world.

Global economies would shut down! Nuclear holocaust! Female

comedians!" Roger and Steve gasp in horror. "If you shut down your

operation and do NOT go public, nobodies gotta get hurt."

Roger and Steve walk in the front door and are greeted by Francine.

"Oh hey guys, what have you been up to?" Steve smiles oh so cool and

responds "We were playing baker." Francine smiles while knitting

something. "Well that's nice Hun. Dinner will be soon so don't run

off." Roger and Steve run up to the attic, roger pulls an envelope

from the trench coat he was still wearing. He opens it and pours it

on the bar. Stacks of bills pour out. "We had to shut down but he never

said we couldn't keep the profit! .. How much do you think is there

Roger?" Roger grins "I don't know but did you catch the guy's name,

Snyder Berlin? Honestly I thought it would be a , no pun intended,

half baked cookie reference!"

It is now night time once again, Francine and Stan are about to go to

sleep. Stan has his back turned to his wife, both in bed. She kisses

him and rolls over. "I'm so glad you stopped acting all crazy and

returned all that movie merchandise. Goodnight Stan." She shuts the

light on her bedside table off. The camera zooms to Stan's face.

After waiting a moment he pulls the 'Vanellope' wig from under his

pillow and places it upon his head.

Klaus, alone in the kitchen as usual, is managing to stir a bowl from

his fish-bowl. He is grinning ever so evil. "Oh if they want a war

they've got one! I've dealt with the government before... AND I GOT

STUCK IN THIS GOD DAMN BODY!"


End file.
